I am glad that there are so many people who are doing intensive research trying to find cures for various fatal ailments that it has freed up time for others to devote time for other serious pursuits. For instance, figuring out that July 31, 2022, was the birthday of George Jetson, the patriarch of the 1960s space-age Hanna-Barbera family “The Jetsons.”
Geeky enthusiasts were able to deduce that since “The Jetsons” debuted in 1962 and was set 100 years in the future, 2062, and that George was 40 years old, that he was born in 2022. There is more information on how they came to the exact date of his birthday, but, honestly, I’ve lost interest two paragraphs in.
That said, the technological gadgets on “The Jetsons” were the coolest part in my book. I was a much bigger fan of “The Flintstones,” because their anachronistic prehistoric gadgets were usually snarky saber-toothed tigers or pterodactyls who’d break the fourth wall and talk smack about Fred, Barney, Wilma, Betty and the rest.
Tony Wade, Back in the Day
But none of the Bedrock devices, as far as I know, ever successfully made the transition from cartoon punchline delivery devices to real-world items (and wouldn’t a talking wooly mammoth vacuum be cool?), but several Jetsons items have. They include, but are not limited to: drones, flat screen TVs, jetpacks, robotic vacuums, smart watches, tablet computers and video calls.
Now there are many Jetsons gizmos and gadgets that are not (yet) a thing, like flying cars that fold up Transformer-style into a suitcase, pneumatic tubes being used as elevators and moving sidewalks.
Still, I was inspired to come up with a few Jetsons-esque gadgets I would like to see.
CARPOOL FILLERS: When traffic starts to slow down your commute, just press a button on your dashboard and holographic images of other people will fill up your vehicle so you can use the carpool lanes.
GETTIN’ DRESSED TIME SAVER: In the 1960’s TV show “Batman,” Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson could change into their dynamic duo costumes just by sliding down a pole. We should definitely have that technology now. If you are running late for work, just slide down the pole and make up some time. It would be especially helpful if your job was being Batman.
EXPRESS YOURSELF VEHICLES: Wouldn’t it be cool if you had a voice-activated system in your ride that would translate your words into 24-inch LED red text that would appear and scroll or flash on the rear window and sides of your car when driving so you could communicate with other drivers?
You could say “Hi there!” or “Nice car!” or “Have a great day!”
Probably more likely would be things along the lines of “Uh, can you even define ‘turn signal?’ ” or “Your McLicense should be suspended!”
WAKE UP TV: I hate when I am binge-watching a series on Netflix and to my horror wake up and realize I have no idea where I was when I inadvertently crashed. Face recognition TVs that immediately notice when you have nodded off and halt the show and set off an alarm would be so helpful.
SHOUTOUT: Now this one may seem silly to you, but I sometimes get a hankerin’ to just yell out, for no particular reason, “Maceo!” And I expect a smokin’ sax solo to start playing just like when the late great Godfather of Soul used to do that. But it never happens. I also sometimes want to shout “Temptations sing!” and have them do that part from “Super Freak,” but thus far I only have crickets, which is embarrassing. Now short of having Maceo Parker and the Temptations follow me around everywhere (which wouldn’t be such a bad thing), a smartphone app that could accommodate and accentuate my admittedly bizarre outbursts would be a 10 on the cool meter.
DIGITAL WAITERS: I don’t mean this in the restaurant sense, I’m talking about floating drones with a video monitor that you could dispatch to do various tasks like go wait in line at the post office to mail a package or go wait in line at the bank. While they are waiting, you can shame the clerks taking forever by having your drone play the “Jeopardy!” waiting music or Tom Petty’s “The Waiting (Is the Hardest Part).”
UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR: I need a device that will help me in real-time to understand people using foreign languages to see if what I suspect is true: that they are clowning me. I also want to be able to understand teenagers who speak like they text. The Universal Translator would work both ways as young people could have my 40- and 50-year-old pop culture references changed to something they can identify with and understand besides “Welcome Back Kotter” and “Hong Kong Phooey.”
Now of course I would love for it to be able to translate WomanSpeak into GuyUnderstanding, but let’s not get crazy. Technology can only do so much.
Fairfield freelance humor columnist and accidental local historian Tony Wade writes two weekly columns: “The Last Laugh” on Mondays and “Back in the Day” on Fridays. Wade is also the author of The History Press books “Growing Up In Fairfield, California” and “Lost Restaurants of Fairfield, California.”
