Disagreements over politics don’t have to be ugly. And right now, how we sort them out matters to everyone, no matter which side they’re on, so arguments are going to be passionate. Sometimes what you perceive as her saying ugly things about a candidate might just be her pointing out something specific that the candidate did that she had a problem with. Everything is so charged right now, we’re interpreting everything as an attack. Often, however, the other person might just be pointing out specific statements that to them are untrue, unfair, unkind or unworkable at one moment and not a general criticism of the person’s existence.
I wish we could bring discussions back down to simple, rational disagreements and that people were more open to listening to try to understand different perspectives. These are my favorite conversations — where people with two different viewpoints really seek to understand where the other person is coming from. Even when, at the end, they still disagree, both sides feel heard and understand why a certain perspective matters to another. That is the beginning of finding solutions that work for everyone.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Stay polite and kind to your sister. Remind her that people are entitled to their own opinions and that you have your ideas about the candidates. One of you might change your mind as time goes on, but arguing about it constantly does not help the family dynamics. And, as much as you would like to avoid her, she is your sister, and that would be a huge loss!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Brandon Bixler, AVP/Commercial Lending Officer, NBC Oklahoma: I’ve heard there are three things you should avoid talking about at work: sex, religion, and politics. Unfortunately, it seems the last topic may now be too sensitive for not only the office but also family. The country’s political sensitivity has been heightened before, during and after the 2020 presidential election. No matter what side of the aisle you may be on, there are multiple opportunities to attack, degrade and belittle your political party’s opposition. The new, acceptable political etiquette has seemingly divided offices, families, friends and neighbors like never before. My wife knows this all too well as her first encounter with her future in-laws turned into listening to a 20-minute political debate between parents and son. This was followed by multiple people exiting the living room upset and my wife (girlfriend at the time) being the only person left in the room wondering what just happened as she attempted to hold back the tears.
One of the greatest rights of the United States is the right to freedom of speech. While I could argue freedom of speech has been under attack recently, individuals still have the right to freedom of expression, assembly, protest, etc. Unfortunately, individuals are using their freedom to slander political candidates especially through social media and this is causing division all over the country. The best motto should be: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I would continue to kindly voice your concerns and displeasure with your sister regarding her comments about your political candidates and position. She will have to decide if her political opinions are worth more to her than your value as family. If she is unable to put political differences aside, it would be in your best interest to avoid her when possible.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
