Of all the things that divide Americans — politics, religion, thin crust or thick — now Better Homes and Gardens online edition has to go and stir the pot by asking: “Is it safe to leave butter out on the counter?”
Apparently this “divisive question,” as the newsletter describes it, separates people who believe butter should always be kept refrigerated from those who think it’s safe to leave it out on the counter, which makes it easier to spread on toast.
Frankly, if we’re at the point where we’re arguing about butter, it’s no wonder we can’t get along on anything else.
I’m not saying this is an irrelevant question. I, for one, think it’s perfectly safe to leave butter out on the counter for days, weeks, or until the cat jumps up on the counter and licks it, which is a good sign that it’s time to toss the butter in the trash can.
And I have often found that people who insist butter should always be refrigerated tend to be harsh, judgmental creatures who you wouldn’t really want to spend a weekend with.
Are we really talking about this?
Yes, I guess we are, because I also know marriages that have broken apart over one spouse (usually the husband) who casually just whacks off a piece of butter from the stick at any old juncture and the other spouse who strictly enforces the slicing of a piece of butter at a precise 90 degree angle.
Sometimes these divisions in families grow heated when one partner leaves breadcrumbs in the butter. Boy, oh, boy, pillows have been thrown over that transgression and stinging words flung, sometimes having to do with a person’s ancestral lineage. Marriage counseling rarely can resolve such quarrels and when the couple files divorce papers, it’s under the heading of: “irreconcilable differences” mainly because the law does not allow “disputes over butter” as a legal argument.
However, COVID-19 came along on the heels of a bitter election, questions about climate change, immigration, refugees, social protests and so on. And so the conflict Americans have over butter kind of melted to the perimeter of our consciousness.
Until now. Until Better Homes and Gardens brought it up and reminded us of how irritating other people can be over butter.
“To leave out, or not to leave out: that is the question,” asks the magazine.
Thanks a lot, Better Homes and Gardens.
