If someone says “let’s talk about money” what are your immediate feelings? Fear? Anxiety? Shame? Dread? For most people it will be one, if not all, of these. For years, talking about finance has been a taboo and I’m on a mission to break that (#BreakTheTaboo – geddit?).
According to Money & Pensions Service, 47% of UK adults don’t feel confident making decisions about “financial products and services.” But beyond that, I wonder what percentage of UK adults don’t feel confident in talking about money at all. Do you?
Shame about money is common
Personally, I’m quite used to talking about it as a general subject, given I’ve been in the financial services industry for most of my adult life. That said, there are definitely areas that I’m not as comfortable talking about – debt, salary, the fact that I am likely to still be renting until I die – maybe a bit extreme, but you get the idea!
I imagine there are a lot of people reading this who are, or have been, in the same boat. And that is the reason I have decided to (over)share today.
So, as I am a huge advocate for leading by example and as I am on a mission to #BreakTheTaboo, I’ve decided to talk about those subjects I keep close to my chest in a very open forum. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone, in the hope that it inspires and encourages others to do the same.
Here goes…
Money problems can spiral
Hi, I’m Hayley. I’m thirty-four years old. I’m divorced. I earn a good living, but my lifestyle is impaired by the fact that I am currently repaying some debt. This means that, even though my rent is a lot more than what a mortgage would cost me, I cannot afford to buy a house.
Even as I type that, I feel shame and embarrassment creeping in. Running through my head are thoughts of “I work in finance”, “I have a good understanding of money” and the real kicker “how did I let myself get into this situation?”
To be completely honest, the main reason is because I refused to talk about it – oh the irony! I didn’t want people to know I was struggling. Not me, not Hayley who works in finance, I can’t have money problems… More and more money went onto the credit card so that I didn’t have to tell people what was going on. I was also in complete denial about my unhealthy and controlling relationship, which even now, I don’t really want to talk about. All of these factors have prolonged an issue that perhaps could have been resolved sooner.
I’ve found that talking openly about my situation has helped get me into a much better place.
Simple solutions to debt
Fast forward to now; I’m out of that relationship and I’ve found that talking openly about my situation has helped get me into a much better place. Once my friends were aware of the situation, there was less pressure to say “yes” to social situations that I simply can’t afford, and which previously would have been whacked on the credit card. Once I eventually stood on my own two feet and was responsible solely for my own finances, I could easily budget without any nasty surprises.
I can now confidently say that I’m repaying my debt and I will be debt-free within three years. I can’t wait for that feeling of complete relief, knowing the weight I’ve been carrying for – gulp – 15 years has been lifted. It has been a journey to get here, and I’m not done. I understand that it isn’t as easy as flicking a switch on being able to open up about what could be your biggest vulnerabilities… trust me, I know. But if you take just one step at a time, you’ll get there.
I know it’s all too easy to get sucked into debt (this is a whole separate issue for another time). I also know I’m not alone. I imagine there are a lot of people reading this who are, or have been, in the same boat. And that is the reason I have decided to (over)share today. I want you all to know that you aren’t alone and that by having these difficult conversations, it really can help to lift you up out of that big black hole and into a place where everything feels just a little bit easier, a little bit lighter and a little bit more optimistic. You’re doing great.
Hayley Rabbets, head of Verve Service, The Verve Group
