NEWS FLASH: Many of us are getting older. Some of us, those with bent bodies, aches in places you never knew you had and tendencies to lose our cars in a three-car parking lot, aren’t too happy about this inevitable occurrence.
I guess how a person feels about this depends on one’s state of mind, if you are breathing and if you are appreciative enough to enjoy those things that surround you.
I recently told my wife that I am now an octogenarian. She told me that religion doesn’t have anything to do with getting older and that I should be grateful that I am able to get up in the morning.
I have a neighbor who has just hit the century mark. I asked him how he has lived so long. He told me that first you have to make it to 99 … then be real careful. Good advice.
He also told me that living so long was wonderful, but for a few drawbacks. First, he said your memory fades and you forget names. Then you forget faces followed by forgetting to zip up your pants and finally forgetting to zip them down. He doesn’t go out much. He told me that he doesn’t drink alcohol any more as he gets the same effect by standing up too fast.
Andy Rooney, a fabled TV voice and wit, once said that getting older is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer one gets to the end, the faster it goes. He also said that you should keep your words short and sweet because one day you may have to eat them.
It seems like yesterday that I was able to do things around the house in an afternoon that now take most of the week. I’ve noticed that my back goes out more than I do. And I sleep more. Naps are no longer for kids. Had I known they were a delightful way to spend an afternoon, I would never have fought them as a child. On the other hand, napping, so I’ve read, can prevent aging, especially while you’re driving.
Which brings me to another point. On a recent trip not too far from my home, I had to make frequent stops to satisfy the aging bladder due to a cantaloupe-sized prostate. Now add this antagonistic problem to a fading memory and it becomes clear why my centurion neighbor forgets that his zipper is up. Yesterday I went into a room and forgot why I was there. Finally, I remembered that I was in the bathroom.
Now in spite of all the anguish about getting old, there really isn’t much that can be done about it. So, my advice is to be as graceful and thankful as memory allows. The bottom line is we won’t ever get out of this world alive anyway, so kick back and make the most of it. I didn’t get old by choice…it just happened. Oh yeah…stay safe during this pandemic.
Remember, growing old really is optional…except for that dang prostate.
Joe Giorgianni is a Nokomis resident and a humorist.
