When I say, “stay curious,” I’m not asking you to give up on what you believe is certain. I’m asking you to free yourself of giving anything you hear meaning. When you start judging something, you’ve given it meaning. And from there, you work to either align or distance yourself from that meaning.
“We have the same parents! How can we think so differently?” But if you stay curious, and avoid attaching such meaning, you reduce the emotional reaction, and in the process, protect your own feelings.
Don’t Take It PersonallyOne of the hardest parts of debating anything is not taking it personally. Consider tennis.
The game only works if both people are lobbing that ball back and forth. When a family member corners you with a controversial point of view, visualize them as having a racket and ball in their hands. You do not have to play.
Instead, let them play against themselves. Stay in the stands, don’t get on the court.
“Oh? Where did you hear that? Does that sound true to you? Do you have any follow up questions about that fact?” See how you can push someone to hit the ball against the garage without ever having to offer a backhanded comment?
Practice Message DisciplinePoliticians are known for the phrases they use over and over again anytime a microphone is present. Well, as frustrating as that can be, it’s actually a great tactic to adopt when you are walking into a potentially tricky conversation with family.
