Long gone are the days of the Pro Bowl actually meaning something. It stinks, and it’s not because the entire thing has been bastardized. There are players like Puka Nacua, Jamhyr Gibbs, and Trey McBride who had seasons that deserve to be celebrated. Those guys are real Pro Bowlers… But that gets tainted when people like Shedeur Sanders are also on the Pro Bowl team.
You know what? Screw it. If Sanders can be a Pro Bowler, then so can anyone! Let’s make our own Shedeur Sanders-level Pro Bowl team. They’re not great. Some of them aren’t even good… But apparently that’s what we’re doing these days. They’re just letting anyone in as long as they have a name that the NFL will think will draw eyes to a nonsensical flag football game and some mini games that go along with it.
RB: Cam Skattebo, New York Giants
Could Cam Skattebo have been an actual Pro-Bowler if his foot didn’t fall off in Week 8? Maybe, but probably not. He was fun, but he wasn’t better than Bijan Robinson, Christian McCaffrey, or Jahmyr Gibbs.
However, if one of those guys opted out of the Pro Bowl and they announced Skattebo was going to play, rehabbing his leg and all, you’d watch. You’d be a liar if you said you wouldn’t.
Imagine a guy with no regard for his health playing flag football. That’s can’t-miss TV.
FB: Alec Ingold, Miami Dolphins
There are other fullbacks in the NFL beyond just Kyle Juszczyk and Patrick Ricard. Alec Ingold just so happens to be on the Dolphins, so you never really think about him… but he does exist, and he’s good at what he does.
Would he make a splash? Of course not, but that’s life when you get called to be a fullback.
WR: Xavier Legette, Carolina Panthers
It sure is looking a whole lot like the Panthers aren’t going to get the wide receiver they wanted when they picked Xavier Legette… However, he does one hell of an interview.
Hopefully Germany will have something good for Xavier Legette to eat.
— Sheena Quick
You can take any wide receiver off the Pro Bowl team as long as you replace them with Xavier Legette, and also have him mic’d up the entire time. The world needs more extreme South Carolina accent, even if it means Puka Nacua has to sit out.
WR: Deebo Samuel, Washington Commanders
At the end of the season, Deebo Samuel looked genuinely uninterested in playing with Josh Johnson and finishing a bad season with the Commanders. It’s tough to blame him.
He used to be awesome before he got a whole bunch of 49ers-overuse-related injuries. What’s the worst that could happen? He makes a mockery of the whole thing? Let the guy kickstart his retirement tour and play a little flag football with the fellas.
TE: Darnell Washington, Pittsburgh Steelers
Trey McBride, Brock Bowers, Jake Ferguson, Travis Kelce, blah blah blah. Those are the pretty boys.
There might not be another player in the NFL who looks more disgusting when they catch a ball than the 330-pound Darnell Washington, but there’s no one like him when he actually gets moving.
DARNELL WASHINGTON DESTROYS 3 BENGALS ON THIS CATCH AND RUN!!!
— Andrew Fillipponi
Whether it be a relay race, a dodgeball game, or the actual flag football game… That’s the freak show that we need to see more of.
LT: Laremy Tunsil, Washington Commanders
Maybe we’re wrong about the whole thing, maybe the NFL put Sanders in the Pro-Bowl as some sort of apology for him dropping in the draft. If that’s the case, then they should toss Laremy Tunsil in the Pro Bowl as well. Sure, his whole gas mask/bong thing was 10 years ago, he was still picked 13th overall, and he’s been a Pro-Bowler five times in the past… But still.
LG: Jon Runyan Jr., New York Giants
There is definitely someone out there who is just a fan of Jon Runyan and his family. There’s also someone out there who would read Jon Runyan Jr. and think that it’s his dad.
That’s two whole people who would watch some part of the Pro Bowl charade because they have weird priorities and/or have poor reading comprehension.
C: Cam Jurgens, Philadelphia Eagles
Okay, so Cam Jurgens is the actual Pro-Bowl center, which is crazy. You could count at least four running plays every single game that were blown up because Jurgens was terrible, and every single one of them was on first or second down.
But, apparently, the people who choose Pro Bowlers just default to the Eagles’ center. For the past 10 years, that’s been a good move. Now? Not so much.
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