I don’t know what’s going on with fashion these days, but apparently somebody’s dipping into various mind altering drugs!
Have you SEEN the clothes for women recently? Whether you’re in Target or Macy’s, it looks like the Stage Coach just dropped off a bunch of stuff sewn up by Betsy Ross and her girlfriends at the last quilting bee.
All the materials are patterns we haven’t seen since little Laura Ingalls ran out into the front yard of her Little House on the Prairie. We have gingham, paisley, rosebuds, and faux lacey dresses and shirts that seem to be made for slopping the hogs and shoeing the horses. And, yes…there are overalls. GINGHAM overalls. PAISLEY overalls… all sorts of OVERALLS.
Big, boxy OVERALLS!
They are AWFUL!
Then, if you’re in the mood to go to the square dance on Saturday night, there are these dresses that appear to entail cutting a large swath of material and sewing it together in a strange configuration of horizontal stripes. The top stripe has sleeves but doesn’t really allow for body parts such as shoulders, arms, or breasts— and then is followed by the second, third, and fourth “stripe” that get bigger as they go down the body. The cloth used for the stripes can be plain but in every garish primary color on the wheel. Others consist of some bold yet gaudy pattern probably taken from one of Picasso’s castoff paintings, and the final “look” harkens to what one might look like if one donned a tent to wear out to eat.
An inverted triangle look just isn’t flattering on ANY body!
Let’s face it…unless you’re Twiggy or a rescued POW whose incarcerated diet has consisted of leaves and grass for two years, horizontal stripes are NOBODY’S friend! Horizons are beautiful to look at, but they are WIDE! They are LARGE! They are VAST!
They are not something I want to wear to emphasize ANYTHING on my body!
Honestly, I don’t know who these new designers are, but they really need to push away from the crack pipes. These “clothes” they are turning out are pretty ghastly. If they are trying to bring back the old west, I wish they’d at least copy the saloon girl’s styles instead of the pioneer women’s dresses. I’ve seen bee keepers’ suits that are more flattering than what I saw at Belk last week.
They had an entire rack of dresses that were possibly previous pillow cases. And from the appearances of them, they probably didn’t look all that good on the pillows either.
Or maybe they did, but who wants to get dressed up to go out for the evening and have your spouse or date tell you that you remind them of a pillow they loved at Grandma’s house? Or that you’re wearing the same material as Granny’s couch?
I think the designers just got together over a few bottles of wine or whiskey and made a bet among themselves that they could get people to wear anything. It wouldn’t matter how ugly, unflattering, or what ungodly color or pattern they used, they bet the American public would buy it, wear it, and love it.
I can hear the conversations on the fashion runways in my head.
“Let’s use this puce and artichoke material to make some overalls,” Fashionista Number One says.
“Oooh I dunno,” says Fashionista Number Two. “The public might not like these two colors together…they don’t really complement each other.”
“Who cares?” laughs Fashionista Number One. “If we market it as the ‘next big thing from Paris,’ they’ll buy it and wear it. You’ll see!”
And just like that horse that won the Kentucky Derby at 80-1 odds…they were RIGHT!
I’m just saying…
