What is the “transitioning phase” of caregiving?
After any trip, it’s time to go home, thus is the “transitioning” phase of caregiving — that final phase in which the Alzheimer’s journey comes to an end.
When the loved one dies, the caregiver naturally experiences tremendous grief. The caregiver is grieving not just for the most obvious loss of the person who died, but for the many losses that are linked to the caregiving experience such as the relationship, the caregiver daily routine, the identity as caregiver, the closeness and intimacy of knowing someone so thoroughly and being present for them and the loss of purpose.
Oftentimes, a sense of relief is involved with the loss, which is normal. The Alzheimer’s journey has been exceptionally long, demanding and grueling both physically and emotionally for the caregiver. The caregiver needs to give permission to themselves to feel the pain, to cry, to relieve any tensions and to share the loss with others. Denying feelings only intensifies and prolongs the pain of grief.
Caregivers can enlist help outside the family with a professional grief counselor or trusted friend. It is important, also, for the caregiver to tend to their own needs, to relax and cope with all the emotions in this transitioning journey. Additionally, finding consolation in rituals such as prayer, meditation or other activities can offer the caregiver great comfort during this time. Learning to practice that self-compassion of kindness and patience can help ease the shock, pain and numbness and also relieve those feelings of guilt, anger and resentment that are often associated with the grief process.
When the journey ends, the caregiver is coming to terms with rebuilding or discovering a “new normal,” which is a process that takes as long as the caregiver needs. Yet, it can be truly inspiring if the caregiver can honor the legacy of their loved one by finding meaningful ways of continuing that connection and the loved one’s contribution to life.
Finding joy and remembering the happy times shared with each other from this point forward is a way of honoring the loved one’s life. Reminiscing about the life the caregiver shared with their loved one and creating a photo album or digital library are ways to pay tribute to the deceased individual. Additionally, memorial tributes can be offered on social media. Donations can be made in the name of the loved one. A tree can be planted as a growing legacy to that loved one. Family and friends can participate in various Alzheimer’s charity events.
With the phases of caregiving now finished and the proverbial suitcase unpacked and put away, the caregiver and their loved one have now ended their journey together. Looking back on this memorable trip, great meaning can be instilled in each moment going forward with the caregiver’s perspective in the context of their knowledge and growth looking back and infusing all that was learned, all that was appreciated, all that was valued and loved and all that is placed so gently into the now.
Questions about Alzheimer’s Disease or related disorders can be sent to Dana Territo, author of the upcoming book “What My Grandchildren Taught Me About Alzheimer’s Disease,” at thememorywhisperer@gmail.com.
